Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
