the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
