My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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