You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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