Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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