Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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