I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
