I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
