i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
