At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
