im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
lets start a swedish sibling band together
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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