apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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