The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
