May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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