i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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