There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
