i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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