She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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