Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
