On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish you could order shots online.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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