at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
