She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
