It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
