i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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