We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
