booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
