Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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