he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
