she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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