Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
