I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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