Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
