she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize