i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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