I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i will never coherently bang her
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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