They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
