Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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