dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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