i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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