sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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