I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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