The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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