Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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