love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
