The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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