Porn is love you can see.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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