I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
third nipple confirmed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
