Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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