Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
