hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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