i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do herpes really smell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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