dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
