You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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