Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
