You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
