the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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