well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
