What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
