apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
