i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
