So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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