oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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