My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
