Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All the doctor said was why
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
