i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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