Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
