don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
