he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
