if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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