I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
