im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
