It's Friday. Sex?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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