I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
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Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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