I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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