my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
