im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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