I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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