Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize