I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
