got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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