I feel great
I just peed on a car
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
