forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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