my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
